November 1st 2024 is World Compassionate Communities Day.
Myself – Kath Murray – and my aunt Frankie
Public Health Palliative Care International introduced the concept of “Compassionate Communities,” which promotes a social approach to dying, death, and bereavement woven into the fabric of everyday life. The aim is to raise community awareness of end-of-life issues, encourage active participation in the care and support of dying individuals and their families, and remind us all that caring for one another is not just a task for healthcare professionals—it’s a shared responsibility among us all. To illustrate this concept, I share a story about an extraordinary Compassionate Community Caregiver—my aunt Frankie.
Frankie was the quintessential caregiver, looking after relatives, friends, acquaintances, and neighbours alike. When I was 11, I moved in with Frankie, my Uncle Jimmy, and my two little cousins for six months and stayed for seven years! This was the compassionate community in which I grew up. I can’t remember a day without Frankie in my life. She was my aunt, my friend, my mentor, and my personal travel agent for more than a few guilt trips! Frankie taught me lessons that remain etched on my heart. When I graduated from UBC with my nursing degree in 1980, she gifted me a book titled Go Do Some Great Thing. The message was clear: life is not a spectator sport; I was expected to go and do something great. Frankie embodied that message throughout her life.
After Uncle Jimmy died in 1979, following months of excruciating pain, she went on to do something great! She raised two remarkable sons, together they ran the farm, she returned to nursing, and she built community.
In her work, personal life, on the farm, and eventually in her townhouse complex, Frankie fostered connections and contributed to more comfortable deaths for her patients, for friends, and for friends of friends. She taught, advocated, cared for others, and cooked more than a few custards. She drove people to appointments, sat with them during difficult nights, and engaged in conversations about their hopes and wishes. She hosted advance care planning information sessions and helped others navigate their healthcare options to avoid unnecessary treatments. Frankie spoke openly about death in everyday conversations, creating a compassionate community in the process. She truly did something great.
On November 2, 2023, we celebrated Frankie’s 95th birthday. Shortly after, she received a diagnosis of a chronic illness. In the following weeks, she remained relatively comfortable with high doses of prednisone and needed minimal assistance. She enjoyed Christmas with her sons, but by the end of December, fatigue set in, and she sensed her time was short.
We reached out to family to arrange caregiving support for her. Within the hour the calendar was filled for six weeks! Then, her community rallied! Meals, soups, cookies, and offers of assistance flooded in. The community knew exactly what to do—they cared for Frankie just as she had cared for them. Frankie passed away at home, two months and two weeks after her diagnosis.
The circle was complete: she cared for the community, and the community cared for her. Together, we all did “something great.” Truly, what compassionate communities are all about.
November 1st is Compassionate Communities day – go do something great!
14 Responses
I love this story. It’s a beautiful reminder of what care and compassion is all about. It doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be as simple as taking some homemade soup to a friend. When it truly comes from the heart it benefits the giver as much as the receiver.
One of my friend’s husband died recently. Now the Memorial is over and family has left so a small group of us are getting together regularly to have her join us for lunch and spend the afternoon together. We can talk, laugh, and cry but the point is that we are there with her for whatever comes up. Grief is a journey that we don’t want her to have to take all on her own.
What a great example of compassionate communities – and I appreciate your point that both the giver and the receiver are benefited!
And, I can imagine the many ways that you live this in your life!
Maureen,
thinking of you and your community as the fall draws into winter, the days become longer, and you support your friend through the darkness of winter.
K
I love this story and tribute to your Aunt Frankie! You are a clone of her in every way!
mmmmm. That is quite the compliment Patti.
Thanks and hugs.
You continue Aunt Frankie’s teachings and model. Thank You.
Shirley,
She is/was a great teacher, and it is wonderful to be inspired by her, and the other great leaders in my life!!
Este conmovedor relato de Frankie encarna perfectamente el concepto de las “comunidades compasivas” promovido por Public Health Palliative Care International. Las comunidades compasivas reafirman la idea de que la muerte y el duelo no son temas tabú ni exclusivos del ámbito de los profesionales de la salud, sino elementos naturales e integrados en la vida cotidiana. La historia de Frankie nos recuerda que el apoyo mutuo y el acompañamiento en los momentos de mayor vulnerabilidad son un acto de amor profundo y de responsabilidad compartida, y que el bienestar en los últimos momentos de vida puede ser construido en comunidad.
La trayectoria de Frankie, quien brindaba un cuidado amoroso y constante a su familia, amigos y vecinos, es un ejemplo poderoso de cómo un enfoque compasivo y social puede influir en el final de la vida, brindando dignidad, tranquilidad y sentido de pertenencia. El ciclo de apoyo que ella misma construyó fue el mismo que la acompañó en sus últimos días, reflejando que la bondad que damos regresa en los momentos en que más la necesitamos.
Este modelo de comunidad solidaria transforma el duelo en un proceso que, aunque doloroso, se torna más humano, colectivo y menos aislado. Así, siguiendo el ejemplo de Frankie, cada uno de nosotros tiene la oportunidad de contribuir al cuidado de quienes nos rodean, de brindar una mano amiga y de ser parte activa en una red que acoge y alivia. En última instancia, estas comunidades compasivas nos enseñan que hacer “algo grandioso” no requiere gestos heroicos, sino la simple y poderosa intención de estar ahí, unidos y solidarios, en cada paso de la vida y del duelo.
Saludos y bendiciones desde Ciudad de México
Gracias por compartir
Translation –
This moving story by Frankie perfectly embodies the concept of “compassionate communities” promoted by Public Health Palliative Care International. Compassionate communities reinforce the idea that death and grief are not taboo subjects or exclusive to the realm of health professionals, but natural and integrated elements of daily life. Frankie’s story reminds us that mutual support and accompaniment in the moments of greatest vulnerability is an act of deep love and shared responsibility, and that well-being in the last moments of life can be built in community.
Frankie’s journey, providing loving and constant care to her family, friends and neighbors, is a powerful example of how a compassionate and social approach can influence the end of life, providing dignity, peace of mind and a sense of belonging. The cycle of support that she built for herself was the same one that accompanied her in her final days, reflecting that the kindness we give returns in the moments when we need it most.
This model of caring community transforms grief into a process that, although painful, becomes more human, collective and less isolated. Thus, following Frankie’s example, each of us has the opportunity to contribute to the care of those around us, to lend a helping hand and to be an active part of a network that welcomes and relieves. Ultimately, these compassionate communities teach us that doing “something great” does not require heroic gestures, but the simple and powerful intention of being there, united and supportive, at every step of life and grief.
Greetings and blessings from Mexico City
Thank you for sharing
Thank you so much for your thoughts from Mexico!!!
Lovely Kath, she was an example to us all!
Wishing you well, Jackye
Thanks Jackye, she was an incredible example!
Hope that you and the fam are doing well.
Thinking of you and your Aunt Frankie, during the anniversary of her final illness. I’m sure it brings up mixed emotions for you – of the impact she has had on your life, on your great loss, but also of her inspiration not only for you but for the entire community around her. What a great role model! And now you have lived up to that promise to “do something great,” with all the important work you do and your inspiration of others. Thank you, Kath!
Julie, thanks for your thoughts. Yes, anniversaries are powerful places where we touch down afresh with memories – and in this case, so many wonderful memories! Yes, what an inspiration she was, and will continue to be, to myself and to many others.
Julie, thanks for your support of the work that we are doing. It is a great work!
All the best,
Kath