Continuing Bonds: Journey Through Grief

Continuing Bonds: Journey Through Grief

I love to think of grief as a normal, healthy, whole person response by which we adapt to life without the person/loved one, physically present.

Years ago, Freud taught that grief should have an end, and that end included, a severed connection with the deceased. I’m grateful we have moved from this perspective!  And then, Dr Kubler-Ross in her book, On Death and Dying, wrote about grief in a way that was interpreted as suggesting that grief included a series of stages, and one moved from one stage to another, ending with a stage of acceptance. We have certainly come to learn that grief is not linear, if is not a series of stages, it does not need to, and does not always, end with acceptance. We have come to understand that grief is much more complex, personal, messy and ongoing! And Dr Terry Martin and Dr Kenneth Doka added to the understanding about grief when they talked about different styles of grieving – including instrumental or intuitive grievers – one being more focused on tasks, and the other more focused on talking/emotions/expressions.

When I started my Masters in Thanatology, at Hood College in 2004, I was deeply grateful to read the book, “Continuing Bonds: New Understanding of Grief” by Klass, Silverman, Nickman. I resonated with their theory that grief is an ongoing journey of adaptation to life without a loved one. This theory suggests that people maintain a connection with the deceased through memories, rituals, and tangible objects. These bonds, while evolving over time, continue to be a significant part of the bereaved person’s life.

Yes! I thought of the times when wearing my father’s sweater after his death brought me comfort,  or when advocating for palliative care helped me connect with my deceased aunt.

The idea of continuing bonds offers a more compassionate and realistic understanding of grief. It acknowledges that grief is not a problem to be solved but a normal and essential part of the human experience. By recognizing that it’s okay to continue to love and miss someone who has died, this theory provides comfort and validation to those who are grieving.

One way people choose to maintain a continuing bond with a loved one is through tangible objects.

Tattoos have become increasingly popular as a form of memorialization. By immortalizing a loved one’s name, a significant date, or a personal symbol on their skin, individuals create a permanent and visible representation of their bond. This can be a source of comfort and solace, providing a tangible connection to the deceased in a world that often feels devoid of their presence.

Over the past few years, Dr Susan Cadell has investigated the experience and meaning of tattoos that have a healing effect on their wearers.

We are excited to have Susan present a webinar on this topic on Sept 10th, 4 pm Eastern, 1 pm Pacific.

Check out this lovely story and this tattoo on the website, storiesfromtheskin.com

If you are intrigued by the healing power of tattoos – Join Dr. Susan Cadell’s webinar to explore this fascinating topic.  Click here to register.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

From Our Blog

Shopping cart0
There are no products in the cart!
Continue shopping

Join now to receive tips and insights on providing palliative care.

Courtney Murrell is a PSW who works in hospice palliative care.

When she is not at work, she is spending time with her family, going on hikes or writing. Courtney is a lifelong learner and loves to share her passion for writing as a wellness practice.

Skip to content