Written in collaboration with Misha Butot
It seems that all of us, young and old, will at times feel confused, upset, and filled with uncertainty when faced with a life-limiting illness or facing death. At those times it can be especially helpful to have someone with us who is able to listen to us and help by soothing and calming our distress. Not so long ago though, it was considered supportive to “Ssshhh” a person in distress, telling them to quiet down and that all would work out for the best. Imagine that!
In the past, being supportive may have included saying,
“Ssshhhhh – it’ll all be ok”
If you’ve been in a situation where you didn’t have the skills to support a distressed person, you know that it’s a painful experience for all people involved. It is so hard witnessing the distress and being unable to help.
Because of the work you do in palliative and end-of-life care, you probably know already that you are much more likely to be at work and present with people experiencing distress. As such, it’s important to build your skills for supporting a person experiencing distress. In this article and in the March webinar, we discuss skills and strategies that healthcare workers can develop for supporting patients and their families as they experience distress.
These skills can also be used for anyone dealing with emotional distress. For example, many people have aging parents. I can tell you from experience that watching your parents decline over years and years can be extraordinarily distressing. It may be your parents, or maybe a friend’s parents, or parents or older family members of your work colleagues. No matter who you are, you are likely to cross paths with people experiencing distress. As such, it would be helpful to develop skills for supporting people experiencing distress.
Sounds great, doesn’t it!
The skills and ways of being described in the webinar might be helpful to you if you find yourself in any of these scenarios.
- You provide care for people who are ill, and who are experiencing anxiety (e.g., struggling with breathing, pain, nausea, dependence, dignity), emotional distress (e.g., dealing with dependence, loss of dignity, loss of abilities, grief of dying, or fear of dying), confusion, or delirium.
- You support family members who are dealing with hard news or new realizations about changing conditions and are feeling helpless at the bedside, dealing with family tensions, or grieving before or after a death.
- You or your colleagues are dealing with difficult situations, hectic shifts, personal stressors, unexpected deaths, or the loss of a long-standing relationship when a client dies.
Where to Start?
With any of these circumstances, the first and most important step in building our capacity to support others is learning to work through our distress and balance our nervous system. When we manage our distress, we are better able to meet our clients from a place of authenticity, comfort, and care. Because, if we cannot meet the needs of our distress, we will not be able to support others experiencing distress.
The first and most important step in building our capacity to support others is learning to work through our distress and balance our nervous system.
One of the bonuses of learning skills to help ourselves is that these skills will help us support others. Learning to truly care for others increases our resilience and satisfaction with our work.
Learning to truly care for others increases our resilience and satisfaction with our work.
What can I do right now?
Take a few moments and have a look through these two resources before the webinar.
Download and Review the Victoria Hospice Relaxation Techniques brochure provides a selection of easy-to-use techniques for soothing nervous systems; useful for clients, families, and care staff for in-the-moment relief
Watch this short funny video – It provides some entertaining insight into some of the concepts to be presented in the webinar.
If you’re interested in learning more, join the webinar!
In our time together we will:
- Practice ways to work through our distress and balance our nervous system by decreasing tension in our bodies and minds.
- Explore the differences between sympathy, empathy, and compassion.
- Review the “roadblocks to providing skillful care.”
- Reflect on different states of distress, identify how a person’s needs may be different in each state, and learn skills for being with distressed people in each state in a skillful way.
