November 1st 2024 is World Compassionate Communities Day.
Myself – Kath Murray – and my aunt Frankie
Public Health Palliative Care International introduced the concept of “Compassionate Communities,” which promotes a social approach to dying, death, and bereavement woven into the fabric of everyday life. The aim is to raise community awareness of end-of-life issues, encourage active participation in the care and support of dying individuals and their families, and remind us all that caring for one another is not just a task for healthcare professionals—it’s a shared responsibility among us all. To illustrate this concept, I share a story about an extraordinary Compassionate Community Caregiver—my aunt Frankie.
Frankie was the quintessential caregiver, looking after relatives, friends, acquaintances, and neighbours alike. When I was 11, I moved in with Frankie, my Uncle Jimmy, and my two little cousins for six months and stayed for seven years! This was the compassionate community in which I grew up. I can’t remember a day without Frankie in my life. She was my aunt, my friend, my mentor, and my personal travel agent for more than a few guilt trips! Frankie taught me lessons that remain etched on my heart. When I graduated from UBC with my nursing degree in 1980, she gifted me a book titled Go Do Some Great Thing. The message was clear: life is not a spectator sport; I was expected to go and do something great. Frankie embodied that message throughout her life.
After Uncle Jimmy died in 1979, following months of excruciating pain, she went on to do something great! She raised two remarkable sons, together they ran the farm, she returned to nursing, and she built community.
In her work, personal life, on the farm, and eventually in her townhouse complex, Frankie fostered connections and contributed to more comfortable deaths for her patients, for friends, and for friends of friends. She taught, advocated, cared for others, and cooked more than a few custards. She drove people to appointments, sat with them during difficult nights, and engaged in conversations about their hopes and wishes. She hosted advance care planning information sessions and helped others navigate their healthcare options to avoid unnecessary treatments. Frankie spoke openly about death in everyday conversations, creating a compassionate community in the process. She truly did something great.
On November 2, 2023, we celebrated Frankie’s 95th birthday. Shortly after, she received a diagnosis of a chronic illness. In the following weeks, she remained relatively comfortable with high doses of prednisone and needed minimal assistance. She enjoyed Christmas with her sons, but by the end of December, fatigue set in, and she sensed her time was short.
We reached out to family to arrange caregiving support for her. Within the hour the calendar was filled for six weeks! Then, her community rallied! Meals, soups, cookies, and offers of assistance flooded in. The community knew exactly what to do—they cared for Frankie just as she had cared for them. Frankie passed away at home, two months and two weeks after her diagnosis.
The circle was complete: she cared for the community, and the community cared for her. Together, we all did “something great.” Truly, what compassionate communities are all about.
November 1st is Compassionate Communities day – go do something great!
