The holiday season often arrives wrapped in expectations of joy, togetherness, and celebration. But for those grieving the loss of a loved one, this time can feel especially tender, complicated, and isolating. Whether the loss is recent or years old, grief doesn’t follow a calendar and it doesn’t pause for December.
This blog gathers reflections and insights from compassionate voices across Canada, offering gentle ways to navigate grief during the holidays, honour loved ones, and care for yourself. It also highlights how hospice care training and the strength of compassionate community care can provide vital support during these tender times.
Among those voices is Joanie Turner — a Mom, a Nana, and a bereaved parent. Joanie spent decades advocating for palliative care support and resources in hospitals and community settings. While she is not currently working in the field, she remains a staunch advocate for pediatric palliative care services and family‑centred care.
As Joanie Turner shares, “Christmas is joyful and sad at the same time. It’s laughing and wanting to cry. It’s reflecting on times spent together with your loved one who has died and creating new memories that don’t include him or her.” Her words capture the paradox of grief during the holidays: joy and sorrow braided together, laughter and tears arriving in the same breath.
Grief Is a Natural Response to Love
As the Chilliwack Hospice Society reminds us, grief is a reflection of deep connection. During the holidays, that connection can feel especially tender. Joanie describes building snow people with her grandchildren while also wanting to curl up alone in a cozy spot. She is deeply grateful for time spent with her children, grandchildren, and sister — yet there is always a huge void without Brendan being there.
“When someone says, ‘isn’t it wonderful that we are all together as a family,’ I want to shout, ‘we’re not all here!’” Joanie writes. That absence is sharp, and Christmas is hard.
Holiday traditions and expectations may add pressure to “celebrate perfectly.” But when someone important is missing, perfection isn’t the goal. Instead, give yourself permission to honour both grief and joy. Lighting a candle, leaving space at the table, or cooking a loved one’s favourite recipe are gentle ways to acknowledge their presence in spirit.
Honour Through Memory
The Canadian Healing Quilt offers a beautiful way to remember those we’ve lost. By creating a memorial quilt square, you can share stories, photos, and cherished memories that become part of a collective tapestry of comfort and healing.
Joanie focuses on remembering Christmas with Brendan and sharing those memories with her family. “You can be pulled back into the sad times and forward into the fun times all at once, and it can be emotionally exhausting,” she reflects. Like a quilt stitched from many pieces, grief is woven from love, loss, and remembrance. Sharing stories, photos, or cherished traditions helps keep loved ones close.
Acknowledge the “Empty Spot”
Canadian Virtual Hospice reminds us that the “empty spot” at holiday gatherings can feel especially sharp — the chair left empty, the silence where laughter once rang. Joanie’s experience echoes this truth,
Simple rituals can help weave remembrance into celebration: light a candle at the table, place a photo among the decorations, or create a memory tree adorned with meaningful ornaments. These acts honour the “empty spot” while allowing grief and love to sit alongside joy.
Coping Tips from Victoria Hospice
Victoria Hospice encourages us to treat ourselves like cherished friends during this season of celebration and remembrance. Joanie tries to remember not to overload herself.
“I always remember what a gift it was to have that short time with Brendan. Just as I remember how special it is, right now, to have a family to share Christmas with. It’s not the decorations, the tree, or the turkey that make Christmas a special time but the time spent with loved ones — in my heart or my home — that matters most.”
Their guidance reminds us that coping is about creating space for both grief and joy:
- Decide how you want to spend the holidays — whether that means joining gatherings, keeping things quiet, or reshaping traditions to fit your energy.
- Be flexible with celebrations — let go of rituals or events that feel too heavy, and allow yourself to adapt plans without guilt.
- Create moments of remembrance — cook a loved one’s favourite holiday recipe, hang a meaningful ornament, or take a walk in a place that connects you to their memory.
Make Room for Both Grief and Joy
Grief Matters emphasizes that grief is not only personal but also communal. Joanie’s reflections show how grief and joy coexist in family celebrations. Communities grow stronger when we make space for grief alongside festivity.
Practical steps include:
• Offering flexible schedules so those grieving can pace themselves.
• Creating grief‑friendly spaces where remembrance is welcomed.
• Normalizing conversations about loss so grief is not hidden but acknowledged.
Through creative, community‑based activities, grief can be integrated into celebrations, helping us honour loved ones while strengthening bonds with one another. This is the essence of compassionate community care — where grief is shared, supported, and honoured collectively.
Gentle Guidance from Nova Scotia Health
Nova Scotia Health’s palliative care team offers practical, compassionate advice:
• Permission to grieve — sadness may surface, even amid celebration.
• Balance rest and activity — take breaks when needed.
• Flexibility with traditions — let go of rituals that feel too heavy.
• Connection and support — reach out to friends, family, or community groups.
• Self-kindness — treat yourself as you would a cherished friend.
This guidance beautifully complements Joanie’s reflections, reminding us that grief is not something to “fix” but something to carry with gentleness and community. It also reflects the importance of hospice care training, which equips professionals and volunteers to walk alongside people in grief with skill and compassion.
Final Thoughts
Grief during the holidays is not a hurdle to overcome, but a journey to move through. The season may magnify absence, yet it also offers opportunities to honour love in new ways.
Joanie’s words remind us that grief and joy can coexist: “It’s not the decorations, the tree, or the turkey that make Christmas a special time but the time spent with loved ones — in my heart or my home — that matters most.”
The resources shared from hospices, community initiatives, and grief‑friendly organizations highlight that remembrance, flexibility, and self‑kindness are vital companions during celebrations. You are not alone this season; support, connection, and compassion are available.
Above all, give yourself permission to carry grief with care, and to welcome moments of healing and hope alongside it.
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